Yamaguchi's Confession
by ExceedinglyTrans
Summary: Yamaguchi has something important to tell Tsukki, but is very nervous of how he might take it.
1. Chapter 1

Tonight was the night. Tonight Yamaguchi would tell Tsukki that she was a woman.

For as long as she could remember, she had felt as though something was wrong with her body, particularly once puberty hit. But only recently had she been able to figure out what the problem was, thanks to talking with people on the internet who had experienced similar feelings. She'd had a few weeks to accept it, and now she wanted to tell someone... Tsukki, in particular. It felt as though he were the most important one to talk to; the other people in her life could come later.

She'd been agonizing over how best to go about it for around a week now, and the conclusion she'd come to was that the best time would be on the way home from volleyball practice, when the two of them tended to be alone anyway. As far as the method, well... the straightforward approach was always best with Tsukki.

It started off as it usually did. The two of them walked along with several other teammates for a few blocks before the others went their separate ways. Almost immediately, Tsukki pulled the headphones that had already been sitting on his shoulders over his ears, then he and Yamaguchi walked in peaceful silence. Despite knowing what she needed to do, Yamaguchi couldn't help enjoying this normality. Some might find it lonely to walk beside someone else without talking to them, but Yamaguchi loved it. It felt as if they were both free to be themselves, with no need for forced conversation. Yamaguchi could stare around at the familiar scenery and let her mind run wild, something she otherwise rarely seemed to have time to do. And besides, if either of them actually wanted to talk, Tsukki never had an issue with removing his headphones.

Which was exactly what she needed him to do, but... it was hard to make herself interrupt the peace for something that had the potential to go so disastrously wrong. Instead, for the moment, she stared about, taking note of the various shops and homes they passed, and which of them still had lights on. It wasn't too terribly late, so most homes still had lights shining bright from within, though several shops had already closed up. A light breeze ruffled the long hair that she'd been growing out, which she'd been doing since last year, long before she'd realized she was a woman. She still couldn't get that cowlick to work with her, though, no matter what she tried.

As they passed beneath the yellow light of a streetlamp, only a few blocks away from their respective homes, she knew it was time. With a small tap on his shoulder, she got Tsukki to stop in his tracks, staring at her quizzically. She pointed at her ears, and, taking the hint, he removed his headphones.

"What is it, Yamaguchi?" he asked in his familiar deadpan.

She couldn't help squirming a little. "Well, um, I need to talk to you..."

One eyebrow rising, and with a small nudge of his headphones, Tsukki muttered, "I had assumed as much when you wanted me to take these off."

It wasn't hard to see why others considered Tsukki a jerk, but Yamaguchi knew that generally, he really wasn't. Half the time he was just being blunt, because he saw little point in beating around the bush with things; she quite liked that aspect of him. Admittedly, though, he did have a tendency to be condescending for much of that other half.

With a small, nervous laugh, Yamaguchi rubbed the back of her head, smiling meekly. "Sorry, it's just... I'm really nervous."

Tsukki blinked and crossed his arms, which Yamaguchi could easily read as him being both confused and curious. "Well, just spit it out." He paused, then added, "...You know that's easier than dragging it out." She was glad he'd tacked that second part on... she'd been trying to get him to explain himself a little better when he talked, in the hopes that he'd irritate people less when that wasn't actually his goal.

Taking a deep breath, she said, quicker than she meant to, "Recently I figured out thatI'mawoman."

One eyebrow practically raised to his hair line, Tsukki cocked his head to the side. "Come again?"

She took another deep breath, willing herself to talk at a reasonable speed. "Recently, I figured out that I... am... a woman."

At first, Tsukki just blinked. Then he extended one arm slightly, a frown on his face, as he said, "Yamaguchi, that doesn't make any sense."

Instantly her face fell, along with her heart. She'd hoped this might go smoothly, that he might instantly understand... but it seemed that was too much to hope for. Struggling not to devolve into a puddle of frustrated tears, Yamaguchi pressed on. "It... it does make sense. Look, Tsukki, I thought I was a guy, just like you and everyone else. But... I'm not. I finally realized that."

Tsukki's arms dropped to his side, his eyes narrowed. "But you ARE a guy. I don't get what you're talking about."

Sighing, Yamaguchi tried again. "It's like... I guess you could say I feel like that's wrong. Like I'm actually a woman inside. I mean, I'm one outside too, but..."

"No you're not," Tsukki said, slightly irritated now. "I've seen you in the locker room. You're clearly a man."

"Tsukki, you're not listening to me!"

"I am listening, you're just not making any sense."

Yamaguchi groaned, scratching at the back of her hand a little. "You're getting focused on the wrong things, it's not just about body parts... You can be a woman even if you don't look like what most people think a woman looks like."

There was silence for a moment, then Tsukki, eyes still narrowed, said, "But you have a pen-"

"Shut up, Kei!" Yamaguchi yelled angrily, far louder than she'd intended. Tsukki's eyes were the widest she'd ever seen them, though they still weren't perfectly round. She had hardly ever yelled at him before, and certainly never while telling him to shut up or while using his first name.

"I thought you were smarter than that, Tsukki!" she said, still pretty loudly, tears in the corners of her eyes. "I thought you could at least somewhat understand, but you're not even trying! You're being a transphobic jerk!" Tsukki's eyes narrowed again, as though he still didn't get what she was saying, but she didn't care anymore. "I don't have to stand here and take this, and I'm not going to! If you don't want to try to understand me, then... then..." Tears overtook her eyes, and she found she couldn't say what she'd intended. It hurt too much. With one last tear-filled, angry look, she bolted, running past him toward her home, determined not to look back or let him see the tears escape her eyes. As she rushed past, she could have sworn she saw him reach out toward her, his face suddenly softer, mouth slightly ajar.

Soon she was back home, lying face-down on her bed, sobbing into her pillow. Why had it gone that way? Why couldn't he understand? Why couldn't she have just been normal, so she didn't have to deal with any of this?

She cried herself to sleep, and the next day was reluctant to go back to school. But she decided that the day after and the day after that would be no better than this one, so she might as well suffer through it. She took a different route than her usual to get to school, wanting to avoid Tsukki for as long as possible. When she got to class, he hadn't yet arrived, but she had assumed he might be a little later than normal if he had tried to wait for her. When the bell to begin class rang, however, he was still nowhere to be found, and by the time the lunch bell sounded overhead, it was apparent that Kei Tsukishima was not coming to school that day.

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Sorry this ends so badly... Please, stick around for the second chapter, it should be worth it in the end. I do love this pairing, afterall. ;P


	2. Chapter 2

_Tsukishima has returned to school - where was he, and how will Yamaguchi react when he tries to talk to her?_

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Why isn't he here? …Is he mad at me? I did yell at him... Or is he so disgusted by me that he can't stand being in the same room? …He isn't responding to texts... Not that he's normally any good about that. Yamaguchi couldn't stop worrying about Tsukki's absence, her anxiety only increasing as the day wore on. By the time she got to volleyball practice, she was a nervous wreck, and after several attempts at receiving resulted in her getting smacked right in the face, her teammates asked her to head home for the evening to get her head together.

But try as she might, that getting together of her scrambled mind just wouldn't happen. She lay in bed most of the evening staring at the ceiling, periodically checking her phone for new messages - messages which never came. Eventually, after half-heartedly eating something, she fell asleep. At least, she thought as she slowly drifted off, she wasn't actively crying this time.

There was no sign of Tsukki on the way to school the next day, even though she didn't actively try to avoid him on her way. Resigned to another day without him, her eyes almost popped out of her head when he suddenly appeared in the doorway mere seconds before the first bell rang, looking more disheveled than she'd ever seen him look before. Her expression instantly became one of concern, until he caught her eye, at which point she quickly looked away, not sure that she wanted him to see her looking at him that way.

When the first break between classes occurred, Tsukki calmly approached her before she could get up from her seat.

"Yamaguchi..." he said, his expression neutal, "Can I talk to you?"

It felt as though something inside her snapped. "NOW you want to talk!?" she yelled, unable to contain her anger. Tsukki's eyes widened slightly, and he took a step back, apparently not quite expecting this reaction. "After what you said to me!? After skipping school yesterday!? After ignoring my texts!? No, Tsukishima, you may NOT talk to me!" Before he could respond, she shot up from her seat and stormed out, ignoring the surprised looks of her classmates. She was fortunate the teacher had already left the room before she caused that scene. Part of her knew she wasn't being completely fair to Tsukki, but she was so upset from all the feelings she'd been wallowing in since that night that it was hard for her to think rationally.

Tsukki didn't try to talk to her again during school. He glanced her way during lunch, but the glare she shot at him seemed to be enough to discourage anything further. The two of them attended volleyball practice, though neither of them performed very well. Several teammates asked each of them about it, but their responses were vague and avoidant. When practice was finished Yamaguchi rushed to change, leaving for home before Tsukki was ready to do the same.

At that point her feelings were even more conflicted than they'd already been - a good mixture of anger, resentment, and embarassment at the poor way she knew she was handling things. Despite realizing this, when she heard Tsukki call out her name and looked behind to see him lightly jogging toward her, the initial reaction she had was to start walking away even faster.

"Yamaguchi... please," she heard from behind, forcing her to stop dead in her tracks. Though it was hardly a word he refused to use, 'please' was not one of the more common ones she heard come out of his mouth. And the slightly desperate, at least for Tsukki, tone he had used... She couldn't ignore it.

Though she had halted, she found herself frozen, unable to turn around as Tsukki jogged up behind her. Stepping in front of her, a hint of confusion appeared on his face. She could tell he was trying to look her in the eyes, but they felt intent on looking anywhere but his face. It was as though an intense pressure was welling up inside, and it seemed like locking eyes with him would cause it to explode.

"Yamaguchi, I..."

"I'm sorry, Tsukki!" she practically screamed, her eyes flashing over to his, suddenly filled with tears. "I'm sorry I yelled at you, and I ignored you all day, and I just... you hurt me so much, and I didn't know how to handle it, but I don't want you to hate me!"

Holding out his hand in a stopping motion, Tsukki muttered, "Yamaguchi, no, don't apologize." Closing her partially open mouth, she gave him a small nod. He rubbed the back of his head as he continued, his cheeks slightly red. "Look, the long and short of it is that I was a total asshole the other day, and I apologize. I didn't know what you were talking about, and I didn't make any real attempt to understand." As he spoke he stared straight at her, the only sign of his discomfort his furrowed brow and the hand he was still rubbing against the back of his head. "Well, I've learned a lot now. I mean, I know there's still a lot more to learn, but I've gotten what I can."

A few tears still in the corner of her eyes, Yamaguchi cocked her head to the side. "What do you mean?"

"After you ran away the other night I went home and researched what you were talking about. I ended up staying awake all night reading, which is why I missed school the next day. ...I read most of that day too."

Eyes wide again, Yamaguchi stuttered, "T-that's why? You were reading...? The whole night?"

Removing his hand from the back of his head, Tsukki shrugged. "Yes. Oh, and you mentioned me not answering your texts... I, uh, don't know where my phone is. Somewhere in my room, probably. Sorry about that."

"Ha. Hahaha. Hahaha!" Yamaguchi started giggling, and she found she couldn't stop. Tears flowed freely down her cheeks as laugh after laugh escaped her lips. Tsukki looked incredibly uncomfortable with this, and completely unsure of how to react.

Extending his arm slightly toward her, he said, "Are you... alright?"

She was barely able to stop herself from laughing long enough to say, "Yes, I'm fine!" After a few more giggles, she managed to get some more words out. "Of course you don't know where it is... Hah, I'm just... I'm so stupid. You're so stupid..." She rubbed one of her eyes, getting her fingers damp. "We're both really stupid."

Tsukki grimaced a little in response, but didn't argue. When Yamaguchi's laughter finally died down, he said, as though his speech hadn't been interrupted by a laughing fit, "So what I'd like to say is that I at least partially understand what you were trying to tell me that night, and I, um... Well, I wholeheartedly support you, Yamaguchi."

She stared at him for a few moments, shock apparent on her face. Then, without thinking, she leaned forward and kissed him on the cheek. When she pulled back, it was his turn to look utterly surprised. Temporarily, it was as though what she'd done didn't register in her mind, but after a few seconds she suddenly turned bright red and looked away, hyper aware of what what had just happened.

Not looking directly at her either, and cheeks noticebly flushed, Tsukki muttered, "It's late. We should head home."

Yamaguchi gave a shakey nod before she took any steps, and shortly after the two of them walked side by side like they usually did. There was silence between them for a time, both of them seemingly determined to look anywhere but each other's faces. When she suddenly felt a hand tentatively start to take hold of hers, her eyes flashed first to the hand, which was indeed Tsukki's and not a figment of her imagination, and then up to Tsukki's face. He was still quite red, and he looked just as hesitant as his grasp had felt, as though his eyes were asking, 'Is this right? Is this something you want?'

Resisting the urge to cry again, especially since that had been happening to her far more than she was comfortable with lately, she turned away. Softly, she took hold of his hand, a smile overtaking her face.

Clearing his throat with a small cough, Tsukki said, "So, do you want me to use 'she, her' pronouns all the time, or..?"

"Just when it's the two of us for now, please."

"Have you thought about if or when you're going to tell the others? I can be there for you when you do, if you want..."

The two of them chatted in this manner the rest of the way home, and when Yamaguchi finally snuggled into bed that night, it was with the lightest heart she'd ever had in her life. Just before closing her eyes to sleep, her phone lit up. Automatically, she grabbed it and flicked it on. She'd received a text from Tsukki which read, "Found it. Goodnight."

"Goodnight, Tsukki," she said softly, just before typing and sending the same words.

That night she fell asleep not only without tears, but with a big, goofy smile on her face.

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Yay happy ending. :D

Though this is it for the couple in this series, don't expect this to be the last story I write with these two dorks.


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